Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
