Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My hand turned me down
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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