I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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