My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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