I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
