Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
