We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
