we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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