I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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