I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
