Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
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remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
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I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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