The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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