Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
