OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
