our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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