My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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