I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
