Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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