If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
