i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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