sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
