I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
