rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
