Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
