3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
