I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Randomize
