i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
