I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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