Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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