my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
People in love make me want to vomit
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
