U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She's the barista slut.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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