Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
