The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
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I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
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I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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