you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
