Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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