I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize