Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He has the fingertips of a God
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