A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
