There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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