Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm always down for nudity.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
