I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
