So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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