he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
