im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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