How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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