my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
