god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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