I didn't shave. On purpose
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have tasted many bathrooms
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
