is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
