shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize