He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
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It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
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You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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