All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
