i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
