I got chris browned last night
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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