After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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