go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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