he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
