It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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