was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
