Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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