I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Pooping to opera.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
