the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
