"it" just moved
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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