i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
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My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
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Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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