So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
