My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
