it was like his penis was on wheels.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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