He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
