Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
